Guy Writes Hilarious Craigslist Ad For His 1999 Toyota Corolla
A Houston man’s Craigslist ad for his 1999 Toyota Corolla might be the best car advertisement ever made.
1999 Corolla / Craigslist via Jason Hlavenka
Jason Hlavenka posted the ad, titled “1999 Toyota Corolla — Fine AF”.
This is what he wrote:
You want a car that gets the job done? You want a car that’s hassle free? You want a car that literally no one will ever compliment you on? Well look no further.
The 1999 Toyota Corolla.
Let’s talk about features.
Fancy wheels: nope
Rear view camera: nope…but it’s got a transparent rear window and you have a f***ing neck that can turn.
Let me tell you a story. One day my Corolla started making a strange sound. I didn’t give a sh*t and ignored it. It went away. The End.
You could take the engine out of this car, drop it off the Golden Gate Bridge, fish it out of the water a thousand years later, put it in the trunk of the car, fill the gas tank up with Nutella, turn the key, and this puppy would f***ing start right up.
This car will outlive you, it will outlive your children.
Things this car is old enough to do:
Consent to sex: yes
Rent a car: it IS a car
This car’s got history. It’s seen some sh*t. People have done straight things in this car. People have done gay things in this car. It’s not going to judge you like a f***ing Volkswagen would.
This car’s exterior color is gray, but it’s interior color is grey.
In the owner’s manual, oil is listed as “optional”.
When this car was unveiled at the 1998 Detroit Auto Show, it caused all 2,000 attendees to spontaneously yawn. The resulting abrupt change in air pressure inside the building caused a partial collapse of the roof. Four people died. The event is chronicled in the documentary “Bored to Death: The Story of the 1999 Toyota Corolla”.
You wanna know more? Great, I had my car fill out a Facebook survey.
Favorite food: spaghetti
Favorite tv show: Alf
Favorite band: tie between Bush and the Gin Blossoms
This car is as practical as a Roth IRA. It’s as middle-of-the-road as your grandpa during his last Silver Alert. It’s as utilitarian as a member of a church whose scripture is based entirely on water bills.
When I ran the CarFax for this car, I got back a single piece of paper that said, “It’s a Corolla. It’s fine.”
Let’s face the facts, this car isn’t going to win any beauty contests, but neither are you. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to your wife. This isn’t the car you want, it’s the car you deserve: The f***ing 1999 Toyota Corolla.
The 99 Corolla on Craigslist
Hlavenka said he wanted to keep the car forever, but his wife insisted he sell it.
“The original plan was to keep this car forever,” he told Jalopnik. “I had visions of gradually restoring it to its original glory in a rented garage and then unveiling the car to my extremely disappointed daughter when she turned 16. My plan changed after my wife came across a youtube video of a head-on crash test between a 1999 corolla and 2015 corolla. As you can imagine, ‘99 corollas are basically death traps by today’s safety standards, and for the safety of our kids, she insisted we get a new car…safety of our kids, mind you, not me.”
The car sold for $1,700.